Married at First Sight" Counselling: "Nothing Like the Real Thing"

Is Reality TV Therapy the Same as Real Counselling?

Channel 4’s Married at First Sight (MAFS) is a bold social experiment that takes single strangers, marries them off at first sight, and documents their journey through the ups and downs of married life. But, as couples attempt to navigate their new relationships, can they truly be coached into love? The show’s three experts—Paul Brunson, Mel Schilling, and Charlene Douglas—act as relationship guides throughout the process, offering advice and support as the couples struggle with issues ranging from attraction to personality clashes. However, how much of what we see on TV mirrors the reality of actual couples counselling?

Reality TV Drama vs. Real Therapy

In a typical counselling room, the goal is for both partners to communicate openly and honestly in a safe and respectful environment. But Married at First Sight is far from a typical therapeutic setting. Psychotherapeutic counsellor Emma Loker points out that the format of the show feels more like “group therapy” because of its public nature. Couples sit down with the experts in front of the cameras, often revealing their deepest relationship issues, while their fellow participants watch, react, and comment. These moments are broadcast across hours of filming, but condensed into a one-hour episode for viewers.

The visible reactions of the other participants—gasping, eye-rolling, or crying—highlight the key difference between this and an actual therapy session, where respect for others is emphasized. Loker says that in therapy, participants are encouraged to create a safe space for discussion, free from judgment. However, on Married at First Sight, these reactions are meant to fuel drama and engagement, which is a big part of the show’s appeal.

The Role of External Support: Too Many Voices?

In a traditional therapy setting, the couple's issues are addressed privately, without external input from others. Yet on Married at First Sight, couples are not only receiving advice from the experts, but also from the other participants. This often leads to situations where multiple voices provide varying opinions on the issues at hand, which, according to Dr. Sham Singh, a US-based psychiatrist, can lead to confusion. “Therapy is a space where both partners get to be heard without outside bias,” Dr. Singh explains. In contrast, the show’s format encourages sharing relationship woes with the group, which can often create unnecessary drama and external pressure.

Paul, Mel, and Charlene have advised couples to work on their communication, but the structured dinner party events—where the couples are prompted with specific questions—can sometimes heighten tension rather than promote healthy dialogue. A spokesperson for the show states that Married at First Sight is an unscripted, observational format that aims to reflect “the wide variety of complex and challenging relationship dynamics in the real world.” But while the format may mimic some real-world scenarios, it’s clear that the conditions on the show are far from what would typically happen in a therapy session.

The Experts: Support or Scolding?

One notable difference between TV therapy and real counselling is the way the matchmakers sometimes engage with the participants. On several occasions, the experts have given participants a “telling-off,” particularly when they believe certain behaviors are unacceptable. For instance, Paul told Eve that she wasn’t "giving this experiment any bit of fairness," and Mel called her out for "lying" at the commitment ceremony. However, this kind of direct reprimanding is rarely seen in traditional therapy.

Counsellor Jonathan Eddie explains that in real-life therapy, therapists do not scold clients but instead challenge behaviors through constructive feedback. According to Susie Masterson, a trauma therapist, while the experts’ expressions of disappointment may reflect how family and friends might react in real-life situations, this approach can still be problematic. The matchmakers may inadvertently cause harm by focusing too heavily on behavior correction rather than offering more nuanced guidance.

Lou Campbell, a relationship counsellor, agrees, saying the scolding technique is “entirely made for TV” and doesn’t align with how professional therapists conduct themselves. “Therapists don’t scold clients, they guide them toward self-reflection,” she explains. This can be a concern for some viewers, as many participants on Married at First Sight appear vulnerable and may benefit more from one-on-one therapy rather than public reprimands on national television.

Could the Advice Be Harmful?

Counsellor Loker has reservations about the advice given by the matchmakers, fearing that it could “unintentionally give harmful advice or miss critical emotional red flags that could exacerbate issues in the relationship.” Real-life therapy is more individualized, taking into account the unique dynamics of each couple, whereas TV therapy is often edited to maximize drama. Loker believes this can lead to missed opportunities to provide meaningful support for couples in distress.

A MAFS spokesperson has defended the matchmakers, stating that they are “qualified specialists” with experience in psychodynamic and psychosexual therapy, as well as life coaching and matchmaking. They also emphasized that off-screen psychological support is available to participants. However, the contrast between what viewers see on screen and what happens in real therapy rooms remains striking.

Reality TV Relationships vs. Real-Life Therapy

While Married at First Sight may offer an entertaining glimpse into the complex world of relationships, it is important to recognize the significant difference between TV counselling and real therapy. The public nature of the show, the involvement of other participants, and the use of dramatic moments to create tension all set it apart from the type of professional guidance that takes place in a private, supportive setting.

Though some couples may benefit from the insights of Paul, Mel, and Charlene, true counselling involves a more careful, individualized approach. For those seeking to navigate the challenges of relationships, real therapy remains a more reliable space for self-exploration, communication, and healing.